I was a barren woman. I know the pain and anguish of longing for a baby that I could not have. It took about 2 1/2 years and fertility medicines to conceive. The result was my son, Matthew. I absolutely adored him. I quit my job to become a full-time mommy. Matthew was the kind of baby that really required full-time. I felt like I was always nursing, changing, singing, and rocking. He was a fussy baby and did everything early, very early. He rolled over for the first time at two weeks old! We had to take him out of his bassinet shortly after that because he would work himself from one end to the other in the night and end up with his head pressed against the end of the bassinet. He required a lot of energy night and day. We also went through some pretty significant financial troubles. My husband and I were pretty stressed most of the time. These things and a few others led to our final decision. We were confirmed one child parents. No cute little baby could sway our decision. It was absolutely final. But God.
The year I turned 30, I went to a regular monthly women’s meeting at our church called Women of the Word. At the end of the evening, I went down to the altar to pray about some long forgotten problem. What I do remember is the way God took the whole encounter in a completely unexpected direction.
Me…praying along about whatever was on my heart and mind at the time…minding my own business
God…”You’re going to have another baby.”
Me…”What?” (Surely I didn’t hear that right.)
God… “You’re going to have a baby.”
Me…”We’re confirmed one child parents!”
God… “You’re going to have another baby.”
Me…(A little slow in getting it, but understanding that God was messing with me.)
But….followed by every excuse and every reason why it absolutely wouldn’t work to have another baby. Every time I said anything, HE said, “I’ll take care of it.”
Finally, I gave Him the big one, “Lowell is NEVER gonna go for this.”
He just said, “I’ll take care of it.”
By this time I’m on the floor. I tell him, “You’d better give me confirmation on this.” The lady on the floor next to me rolled over and said, “God says you’ve got confirmation.”
“DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS ABOUT?”
“No, but God says you’ve got confirmation.
Oh boy. I went home afraid to tell Lowell what had happened. The next morning, I woke up; and, it was just as settled in my spirit as if I’d taken a pregnancy test. I didn’t like it; but, I knew it was going to happen. BUT, I would NOT take any medications to help it along. That afternoon, I decided I had to tell Lowell. His response was “He didn’t say anything to me about it!”
Months passed. Lowell agreed to go to the dr with me to find out what we’d have to do if we wanted to conceive. More months passed. Finally, the issue was settled…at a garage sale on top of a mountain! Lowell was working in Branson. I was there for the weekend and we stopped at a garage sale. Lowell waited in the car with Matthew, then 5. I saw a wind-up baby swing and remembered how sometimes that was the only way to get Matthew to sleep. One night I slept on the couch and kept winding the swing every time it stopped. Well, I went out and told him about it. Lowell said he’d buy it if they’d sell it for $15. He came back with it. I knew then that pregnant or not, we were expecting.
I tracked temperatures and other important things. It took two weeks! God is certainly able to perform His plans in our lives in His timing. Little Emily took her time getting to us. She was two weeks overdue when I was induced. She didn’t want to come out. It was nice and cozy and warm. So, after around 24 hours of labor, I had a c-section. We were instantly in love.
A few weeks later, the doctor wanted to talk about birth control. How could we say no to God after what we’d been through? We decided let God decide about another child. Big step very big step for us. Over time, Michael and Amy joined our family. They also have miracles surrounding their births. Space won’t permit me to tell all. Suffice it to say, that I look at our children in this way.
Matthew was the child we prayed for, our first-born.
Emily was the child of our obedience. We obeyed God even though it wasn’t our will at the time. God was so sweet though. By the time I became pregnant, we wanted another baby so very much.
Michael was the child of our submission. We decided to be submissive to God’s will regarding another child whatever the outcome.
Amy was our “exceedingly abudantly above all we could think or ask” child. Mind you, when I was two or three weeks pregnant, I went to the doctor for my yearly exam. Neither of us knew yet. He asked if we wanted more children, I said we didn’t know. We were praying. After two babies born without the assistance of medicine to get pregnant, he said I’d have to take something if we wanted another child! A month later, I was in his office and we were laughing about it!
The biggest miracle was not the children being born. The biggest miracle was the change that God wrought in our hearts. We became much more open to His will for our lives, even if He didn’t fall in line with what we thought we wanted. He conformed us and transformed us. I am eternally grateful and blessed.
I know the anguish of barreness. I also know the stubborness of heart when one doesn’t want children. I also know the peace of surrendering to the Lord and His will for my family. If you are barren, do not give up. Continue to pray without ceasing while pursuing the care that your doctor prescribes. Know that God loves you deeply. He knows every tear you cry. Trust in Him and His perfect timing.